Breaking through the wall

Or, at least, walking around it

The strangest thing has happened over the past few years and I am at a loss as to how to explain it. But I am going to give a try anyway.

Somehow, some way, I have come to identify more as a writer than many of the other things that I am. It’s not that I am any less of those other things than I used to be. Well, okay, I don’t identify much as a baseball player anymore - more’s the pity. But, I am still Farmer Rob and I still have the heart of a teacher and a life-long learner.

Still, it was a bit of a revelation when I actually formulated the full thought in my head a week or two ago that I was, actually and for real, a writer. It doesn’t matter if I’m a really good writer, or a mediocre writer, or even a poor writer. What matters is that I am allowing myself, for the first time, to accept that this description actually applies to me.

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A wall I didn’t know was there

It is safe to say that we all change, at least a little bit, as we meander through our lives. Some of us evolve more dramatically than others, and many of us fight to stay where we have been in the past. And I, apparently, am reluctant to change my own personal labels because I still want to think of myself as a baseball player!

At least I can dream. Right?

It’s not like I haven’t written a fair amount in the past. I have. I’ve written content for technical manuals and curriculum. There’s a longer-than-it-needed-to-be dissertation out in the world with my name on it. There are letters to the editor here and there and an article or three in various publications. But, I’ve never identified myself as a writer.

Instead, I’ve been a computer scientist, educator, postal historian, farmer, etc etc… who happens to write.

Now, as of the last couple of weeks I am a computer scientist, educator, postal historian, etc etc… and writer.

I broke through some sort of a wall. And I didn’t even know it was there to begin with.

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Or maybe I just walked around the wall?

It’s probably more true that I’ve been taking the long way around the wall that was preventing me from admitting that I was a writer or claiming status as a writer. You can decide for yourself whether this should be admission of guilt or recognition of an accomplishment. After all, I’ve been writing almost daily since 2020. So, I can either claim that all the practice is paying off or wonder if it’s an addiction that needs to be addressed.

I took my job with Pesticide Action Network in April of 2020, and that requires a significant amount of writing (and other content creation) from me. I started picking up the Genuine Faux Farm blog writing to almost daily status at the end of March in 2020 as a response to the pandemic. Postal History Sunday got it’s start in August of that same year. That’s a lot of writing.

I’m beginning to think that I’ve been walking with my head down for almost four years. Recently, I bothered to look up and take note of my surroundings - only to discover that I’d walked around a wall and found myself on the other side. This side has a sign that reads “you’re a writer.” The other side had a sign that said, “you can write.”

I’m not sure the difference matters to anyone but me. And that’s okay.

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And the transition continues…

I will admit to you (and to myself) that the turn of the calendar to 2024 was, actually, a key moment for Rob the Writer (that still sounds weird to me - you can call me Farmer Rob or “Hey you” if that seems more appropriate). It was at that point in time that I decided the way I was writing was no longer working as well as it should. I was even open to the possibility that I would simply stop writing except for what my PAN job requires of me. At the very least, I was going to change how I was writing.

One consideration was determining whether there was some other way that I could share my writing effectively. I considered taking on some bigger writing projects that allowed me to write more than the typical 700-1400 words a blog post usually has. I thought about refining prior writing for articles that could be published elsewhere. And, I considered moving my blogging to another platform in hopes that they provided better tools for sharing.

Well, that last bit is an ongoing project. I’ve migrated both the Genuine Faux Farm and Postal History Sunday blogs to Substack and I think I am finally becoming comfortable with the platform. I’ve also tried Medium, but I have had to choose between them. Limited number of hours in the day and all that, don't you know?

I was able to use some automation to move the MANY blog posts I had on Blogspot to Substack, but the move was far from perfect. There are formatting issues, image import issues and even some entries failed the move. I suppose I shouldn’t allow that to be a big issue because very few people actually bother to read old blogs - even if they are good. But, the historian in me cringes when I consider just letting things go away.

But, let’s balance all of that out with the good news.

First, I am finding some new enjoyment in writing. In particular, I have had some fun pulling out old blog entries and re-working them to give them new life. By giving myself permission to NOT write something every day, I am, instead, giving myself space to write better. And sometimes writing better begins by reworking old writing that was pretty good or had a good base in the first place.

Second, I am regaining energy to begin new writing as well. Once again, the idea of giving myself space is coming into play. I can let myself start a blog and then spread its construction out over a period of time because I am not feeling the pressure of daily production of a post - any post - just to meet my self-imposed “write every day” regimen. It’s not that writing every day was a bad idea. It was good for quite some time. But, it’s not the best solution for me any more.

And third, I am seeing evidence that people are actually seeing what I write! That means something when you decide to share your work. Even the most self-motivated writer is going to eventually lose steam if it seems like the words merely bounce around in a void.

Finally, writing works works for my introverted self. You see, I can share my thoughts and knowledge with you, but I am not pushing it on you. Instead, I am making an offering. I put this content out here where you can decide to discover, read and consider it if, and when, you feel like it. So, if you do open up one of these blogs and you read it - it feels like you are inviting me (after the fact) to share with you. That’s often how introverts work. If you invite us to talk and you show you are ready to listen, we just might share. We might even feel good to have the chance to do so.

But don’t count on that to work all the time and don’t expect us to convert to being an extrovert. That’s not going to happen! Even if you invite us kindly, we might still prefer to sit in a corner at home and read a book. Nothing against you, I’m sure you’re very nice and all. But those books won’t read themselves you know!

Have a great day everyone! Thank you for reading and considering my thoughts and words.