Cold Front

A Faux Real Story

I hope you aren't tired of our Faux Real Stories, because I've got another one for you today! Gather 'round the fire and keep sipping the hot chocolate. Have a great day and I hope you enjoy my holiday gift to you!

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I remember several years ago at the farm when we had a stubborn cold-weather system that came with a fair amount of snow. We were in the habit then of listening to the weather radio every evening to get a feel for the next day's weather. The synthesized weather voice said, yet again, the phrase "bitt er lee cold" and we both shuddered a bit to hear it. It’s possible that I might have been traumatized just a little bit by the daily repetition of that particular experience.

All I can say is that I can still hear the weather radio’s automated voice butcher that same phrase in my head even today. Today, if I READ “bitterly cold” on the NOAA website I mouth out the words just as I remember hearing them… bitt er lee cold. Bitt er lee cold. Bitt er lee cold. Ugh.

On the other hand, I think we handled bitt er lee cold better than we have handled "except higher amounts in thunderstorms." There have been many seasons when our farm WAS where the exception occurred - over and over again.

I KNOW we handled bitt er lee cold better than the continuous list of warnings and hydrological reports we were subjected to during the flood years of 2008 and 2010.

Ok, you get the point. Except that wasn't where I wanted to go with this story. I suspect you are noticing that this happens a lot with me and my stories.

Now, where was I?

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I have it on record that we've had lows at the farm of -21 degrees Fahrenheit over the past few winters and we've gotten below -30 (2009). We'll grant you that this is plenty cold. But, Tammy and I had an experience in one of our former homes that provide us with a fallback whenever we start to feel put upon by cold weather. All we need to do is look at each other and say - "Duluth."

Now, before you think we are about to bash Duluth, Minnesota, you should know something. People who live in Duluth are proud of their ability to handle the weather up there. We learned that if you think it's too cold when you live there, you just keep it to yourself.

Why? Because, those who live there will tell you why what you are experiencing isn't so bad. In short, they'll make you feel like a wimp. Besides, it isn't as cold by the lake as it is by Embarrass, or maybe Tower (-60 in 1996). If you want cold, you go there. Or maybe Hudson Bay.

We lived in Duluth for just about one year. And, of course, our time there included a Winter that started with snow in September (not a rarity I was assured) and one of the coldest they had experienced for a very long time. To give you some idea that this was a special year, it was the first time in 25 years that Lake Superior froze over.... completely.

Yes, we can pick them, can't we? It even made the news in Duluth. So, if the natives said it was something special, we have a right to pull out the story I think.

It seemed like the sun in Duluth was never much higher over the horizon than this.

Of course, for the sake of a good story, I can exaggerate a little bit (like I did with the caption above). But, thus far I have not stretched the truth in anything other than this caption. And, what makes this even more enjoyable is the fact that I don't need to do anything other than report what happened for the desired effect.

It was January and Rob needed to get to the University of Minnesota - Duluth for classes. We lived in a drafty old house that was just a block from the lake. UMD was on the hill and over the hill (so to speak). This is important to know because weather by the lake could be very different than weather on the hill which was different from the weather over the hill (some might say on top of the hill).

However, this Winter, it didn't matter much where you were, the temps were pretty cold.

In any event, Tammy would take Rob up to UMD most mornings and we would drive by one of the bank signs that would display the temperature. This, in and of itself, speaks to both the toughness and/or dementia that people who live in Duluth exhibit. Only someone who wants to wallow in their own misery wishes to see temperatures that always exhibit a negative sign in front of the numerical reading every single day, all day long.

There were two other things I should make note of for those of you who have not been in Duluth during cold months. First, most signs (including street signs) tend to have exceptionally long poles so that they are tall enough to be seen over the snow. The bank seemed to think that their sign, in particular was very important. So, they used an especially long pole to make sure we could inflict ourselves with the temperature each morning.

And second, it was a good idea to lower your windows just a crack at street corners and maybe lightly hit the horn as you pulled out. If you ask why, tell me how else we were supposed to know someone was on the other side of the snowbank at the corner?

During this particular week, we would go out and start our car and make sure not to make mention to each other about how cold it was. But, as we drove by that infernal sign, we could not help but read the bad news OUT LOUD to each other.

Well, what would you do if you saw -35 on one of these signs?

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Each day we would drive by and see that same temperature on the sign. We thought at one point it might be broken. But, Tammy would see different numbers with that stupid "-" in front of them at different times of the day as she delivered Meals On Wheels. So, that wasn't it. Though it is possible it couldn't read a temperature COLDER than that.

And, of course, it was a bank sign. They aren't noted as being the paragons of accuracy. Actually, don't bank signs usually run a bit warm? I’m not sure we even allowed ourselves to think about THAT while we lived there.

Nonetheless, it was cold. And, a check with historical records that year does show the lowest temp for that month at -39.

We went outside on Friday and we both looked at each other with a bit of surprise. It felt warmer. In fact, we both said something about how much nicer it seemed. I don't think either of us was about to suggest a hike up Seven Bridges Road at that moment, but we were both convinced that it was warmer. I think we even both heaved a little sigh of relief.

So, this time as we headed up the hill towards the sign, we were anxious to see if we were right. And we were.

-25

Yep, that's what the sign said. And now you know. A human being can feel the difference between really cold and really really cold.