Is it Wrong to Want Good Things for Others?
The short answer - "No."
I grew up in Newton, Iowa. From first grade all the way through high school graduation, that was my home town.
We were a family of six - and later, seven, when my Uncle John joined us in our three bedroom home. Dad worked for a time at Dunlap, a print shop in Newton, then he was a siding contractor before taking a job at the downtown Coast to Coast store. Mom had the truly significant job of caring for the four of us and her brother while figuring out, with Dad, how to make ends meet.
Whether they knew it or not, I thought (and still think) they did an amazing job providing a positive space for their kids to grow up and become excellent people. And, whether the communities that surrounded us knew it or not, I noticed when they reached out and offered a helping hand.
<originally published on February 26, 2025 - this article was updated on April 21, 2025>
We sat in the same pew on the right side and towards the front of First Lutheran Church each Sunday and were there for the church park gatherings, ice cream socials and other family events. I remember helping Dad frame in some of the new Sunday school rooms in the basement and I worked a couple of summers painting the ridiculous number of windows and doors that adorned the building.
I witnessed honest and heartfelt efforts to help others when I was a part of that church community. Some of it was difficult, like the time our church hosted a refugee family from Viet Nam or when the church stretched their comfort zone and offered a series of sex education classes. And some of it was a bit easier, like those times church members would ask me to do work for a little compensation - even if I had to learn on the job.
It was in this church community that I learned about mercy, grace, service to the larger community, support for others in need, and our obligation to help when and where help is needed.
When we had a television, Iowa Public Television was probably the most viewed station of the four we had access to. Of course, I remember Mr. Rogers and Sesame Street. These shows brought a diverse group of positive people to my attention that were interested in helping others to learn and grow. I saw Gordon, Luis, Mr Hooper and Maria as people first. But I also learned to accept that they had different backgrounds, languages, foods, traditions - and even different skin tones. There was always an aura that surrounded PBS shows that was calming and welcoming.
As a matter of fact, I can still recreate that feeling when I take a moment to watch Iowa Public Television offerings in the present day.
My family happily partook of the public spaces that our communities funded and shared. I remember visiting Ledges, Rock Creek and Robert’s Creek (you can guess why I liked that one as a kid) when we would go further afield. But it was more common for us to go to some of Newton’s parks. Woodland, Maytag, and Sunset had picnic tables, open space, shade and, in the case of Woodland and Sunset, a baseball diamond we could run around on.
I like to think that we did not take these places for granted - at least not too much. We recognized that we had an obligation to clean up after ourselves and to leave a small footprint so we would not spoil the park for others - or for ourselves when we returned. I remember participating in a couple of park cleanups and developed a sense of shared pride that these spaces existed and were available.
While I suspect Mom and Dad weren’t pleased that they had to do it, our family received cheese supplied by the government. It was one of those programs where excess production was purchased and then distributed to families who were below a certain income level. I remember those big blocks filling a corner of the refrigerator. And since I loved cheese, it was nice to know that there would be plenty for me to nibble on when I wanted to.
We received free lunches at the school too. I was a picky eater and didn’t like MUCH of the food they offered. This resulted in an ongoing battle with the elementary school principal regarding how clean (or not clean) my plate was. Despite being picky and even though they read the names of the kids who were to receive free and reduced lunch every week on the loudspeaker, I still appreciated that these free lunches were helping my family.
My Uncle John had the ability to identify anyone he knew from a photograph, regardless of how blurry, or how old, the image was. He was friendly, agreeable and kind. But John also fought epilepsy and functioned at about a 2nd grade level, despite being housed in an adult’s body. He was proud of the opportunity to work at Progress Industries in Newton and earn some of his own money. The job provided him a sense of personal purpose and pride and Mom received a respite from constant caretaking.
Between my family, the church, the school, public television, public parks, inclusive services for my uncle, and, yes, government food support, I grew up feeling as if there was a larger community that was, in various ways, looking out for me and my family. It certainly wasn’t perfect and it definitely had some problems. But I was aware of the safety net and I was grateful that many people seemed to think it was a worthwhile endeavor.
In return for this support, my family did what we could to support the broader community with the skills and resources we had. We too, were not perfect in that effort. But we did our best because it was both our honor and our obligation to do so.
I received an excellent education in Iowa’s “best in the nation” public schools and got the opportunity to pursue advanced education - in part because there were programs to help people with lower incomes get financial support. While it was still a struggle at times, there were programs that sought to make access to higher education more equitable.
I can truly say that I feel I was given everything I needed to be a successful individual in this world. And for all of this, I am grateful.
I am grateful to my parents and my family. I am forever thankful for the kind neighbors, church members, and teachers who let me know that I was valued and gave me opportunities to learn and try and experience.
And I owe gratitude to all of the people who, while they did not know me, they supported excellence in public schools, parks, and… well… all of the things I just shared along with other support I have neglected to highlight here.
But was everyone wrong when they did things to help me to do better than I would have completely on my own? I’m asking because recent events are telling me that the help I received should never have happened.
Before we go to far - the answer is “no.” And the answer to “Is it wrong to want good things for others?” is also “no.”
I am grateful - and because I recognize the support I have received in my life - I have a desire and an obligation to speak out on behalf of all of the people who are feeling the disintegration of the fabric that holds them up. And, while I am at it, let me also acknowledge that some of the structures may have worked for me because I was white, a heterosexual male, and I was actually quite good at school. I didn’t have to fight battles like “you shouldn’t study Computer Science because you’re a girl.” Or, “we don’t want you bicycling to get to your job through our neighborhood because you’re black.” Or, “you can’t play on this team because you’re gay or trans.” Or, “you can’t stay with your parents because you’re a Native American.”
If any of those hurt your sensibilities. Good. They should.
But here we are in the present day and I am watching many of the structures, groups and services that helped me struggle as the current federal and state governments work to tear them down. One such example is the recent attacks on Lutherans. Apparently, Tammy and I are now part of the Lutheran Crime Syndicate.
It seems that certain people have made up a story that Lutherans and all of their attempts to help others, including refugees, through programs like LSI’s Global Greens are guilty of “money laundering.” This was proclaimed by a self-appointed government official and self-important billionaire and then echoed by others in power. Then, I watched with horror while the Governor of Iowa failed to stand up for the people she represents. It was only after many individuals voiced displeasure that the Governor decided to apologize and speak with LSS’s leadership.
The time to stand up for your people is the moment they are attacked. The next best time to stand up for them is now. Governor Reynold’s only response was to create a “Lutheran Services in Iowa Day” in March. It did nothing to restore funding for LSI and it didn’t address lost jobs and services.
I’m still waiting for the Governor to take a real stand here and make a difference. I suspect I will be kept waiting for a long time.
In my view, if what Lutheran Social Services does is money laundering, I guess it must be a good thing. While Lutherans and Lutheran organizations may have their faults (just like all groups of people do), there is no denying that they pursue a mission to provide help where help is needed. It’s almost as if they feel an obligation to give others support and safety so they can find their way in this world - and then maybe become part of the solution as they grow and learn.
Part of the problem is that too few people understand the purpose and function of government grants. While they have their inefficiencies, the point is to support work that needs to be done WITHOUT hiring a raft of full-time federal employees. Groups, like LSS, seek these grants because they have people with the expertise to run programs to support refugees.
Lest we forget, these refugees are people who are going through extremely difficult life transitions. And when I say difficult, I am understating things. I, at least, don’t have a story in my lifetime where family and friends were killed and I was the lucky one to get to a refugee camp.
Do you? If you do, I hope you have received kindness and support from programs like those LSS provides. If you don’t, good! You can be part of the group of helpers for those that do have difficult stories.
Perspective. We’ve got to get out of our own heads and walk that mile (or kilometer) in someone else’s shoes.
Then there’s this…
One of the most heart-wrenching words I heard as a child from my parents were “I’m disappointed in you.” Maybe it’s a Lutheran thing? I don’t know.
Well - this Lutheran is saddened and greatly disappointed that so many people are now using the acronym “DEI” as a code name for “things that are bad.”
Diversity. Equity. Inclusion. If you believe in these things - USE. THE. WORDS.
If you are one of those who think DEI is a bad thing - LEARN what they mean. LEARN about what they have actually been used to do. And.. use the words. If you can still use them and make them sound like a problem, you’re probably using them wrong and need to go back to the learning step.
As a small-scale farmer, I can tell you that I am convinced that diversity in what we grow leads to farming success. Ecologists will tell you that the more diversity you have in an environment, the healthier it is. As a Computer Scientist, I can tell you that our field is stronger when we have a diverse population of individuals studying and working in the field. And as an individual, my life is richer because I read Sundiata, listened to Yo-yo Ma, appreciated the words of Maya Angelou, learned from and worked with Lorilani Keohokalole, and served as a teacher/mentor for students from many parts of the world. My life is better because I have not limited my acquaintances and friends to straight, white males simply because that happens to describe me.
I grew up with more obstacles than some and fewer obstacles than many. There were enough of them, primarily from a socioeconomic standpoint, that I could very easily have been stopped from pursuing the paths I hoped to follow in my life.
But, happily for me, two things happened:
First, I was fortunate to be blessed with skills that tested well and identified me as gifted according to the metrics of the time. This is NOT a brag, it is simply a fact. Because I could do better in school than most, I was going to overcome more obstacles. But the truth is - there were people less gifted than I that had many fewer obstacles. And there were others that were more gifted, but they had to fight through more roadblocks - and they often didn’t get anywhere close to where they wanted to go.
Second, there were enough resources available that made the system more equitable than it would have been without them. My family wasn’t going to be able to send me and my siblings to a private elementary or high school. But, happily, there was interest and support for Iowa’s public schools so EVERYONE had an opportunity to receive a quality education. We weren’t going to be able to buy land with a forest and a stream, but once again, there was interest in providing public spaces that we could all appreciate and support. The public libraries allowed me to read most anything I wanted to read without having to buy the book. And there were programs that helped me get funds for college. And later, there was Planned Parenthood to help the two of us with women’s health screening and birth control when we were trying to live on half a salary while I was pursuing an advanced degree and Tammy was between jobs.
These are all basic (but not perfect) examples of equity AND inclusion at a basic level - and only from the socioeconomic perspective. But I am watching while both our state and federal governments are dismantling even these things.
I realize most of this has been about me and mine - if you will. But I have a reason for sharing these stories.
If we all take a moment, we’ll find a host of things we have benefited from because we invested in them together - through our governing bodies and our shared communities. If we take a few more moments, we should be able to identify many additional things that have helped OTHER people.
We should be okay with that too. Simply because it is okay to want good things for someone other than ourselves.
But if that isn’t good enough for you, consider this - if it hasn’t happened already, you WILL be that other person someday. And you’ll want that web of support when that day comes.
You can make a difference
I made a promise to myself that, if I felt I needed to write something in protest of what is going on in the world, I would have to provide an action people can take to help make a difference.
Today I am featuring this action by the Iowa Environmental Council. I encourage you to take the link and follow the instructions to contact your Senator.
The Natural Resources and Outdoor Recreation Trust Fund was designed to protect and enhance natural resources in Iowa, including state parks, trails, wildlife habitat, and the conservation of agricultural soil. It was designed to provide an estimated $220 million every year for soil quality, outdoor recreation, economic development, and water quality investments in all of Iowa’s 99 counties. A current bill (SJR 6) proposes to repeal the constitutional amendment passed by Iowa voters to create the Trust Fund.
<update April 21, 2025 - SJR did not advance through committee. However, it may return in 2026. The following Senators sponsored this bill: Sen. Mark Costello [R]Sen. Kerry Gruenhagen [R]Sen. Doug Campbell [R]Sen. Kevin Alons [R] Sen. Tom Shipley [R]Sen. Annette Sweeney [R]Sen. Scott Webster [R]Sen. Lynn Evans [R] Sen. Mike Bousselot [R]Sen. Dennis Guth [R]Sen. Cherielynn Westrich [R]Sen. Mike Klimesh [R] Sen. Mark Lofgren [R]Sen. Jesse Green [R]Sen. Jeff Reichman [R]Sen. Adrian Dickey [R] Sen. Mike Pike [R] >
And, since it’s been a while since my last article, here is a second opportunity for the Iowan’s who read.
I also encourage you to provide comments for SF 418, a bill that seeks to define the existence of two genders, where a person must identify with the gender given to them on their birth certificate. This bill is a direct attack on a small group of individuals who do NOT fit the traditional two gender definitions. The bill does nothing to make anything better and, frankly, doesn’t fix anything that is broken. All it does is demonize individuals who are different than other folks.
<update April 21, 2025 - this bill was passed and signed by Governor Reynolds on February 28. You can explore links on the bill’s page to see who voted for this bill>
As a male who has never questioned my gender, it is probably impossible for me to understand how someone else is trans, for example. But that is not what is important. This bill is an attempt to make us all complicit to our government bullying individuals who do not conform to the gender norms many of us were taught when we were young. You can have your opinions or thoughts about gender identity, but you need to draw the line here.
I stand up to bullies.
How about you?
Thanks for this great personal account, Rob, and for encouraging others to reflect and to act. Although I have always enjoyed your knowledgeable riffs on pepper varieties and tips on healthy soil, some of these more recent pieces have carried a heft that is welcomed by your followers.
Saving and passing along