Mythology: The Open Spot in the Calendar

I have a confession to make, I still like to use a physical datebook/organizer to keep track of my schedule.  Unfortunately, my job for Pesticide Action Network also requires that I use an online calendar tool that my co-workers can view... and add to... when needed.  I find myself going back and forth between the two calendars because, frankly, it doesn't make sense to put my farming calendar into the online calendar.  I don't think they need to know that I intend to plant some more seeds into trays this weekend - for example.

The farm calendar is different from a work calendar and, probably, most people’s personal calendars. The farm calendar rarely fills up specific parts of the day, unless it is a scheduled pick-up or delivery.  The farm calendar is more like a list of things that needs to get done this week or this month and sometimes … today.  Some are a bit more time specific, like morning chores.  The seed tray planting, on the other hand, happen when I get to them at some point during the weekend.

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The “Open” Slot in the Calendar

Even before I added the PAN job to my life, I had a tendency - just like many who read this blog - to see an open date or open time slot as just that .... OPEN.  In other words, if a person called me and said, "Hey Rob, could we meet about X on such and such a date at Y time?"  I would look at my calendar.  If nothing was written there, my answer was typically "yes."

After all, the calendar SAYS I have nothing scheduled for that time, which means I was going to be doing NOTHING at that time.  Right?

I know and you know that this is not how life works. Just because there is an open slot in our datebook, it doesn’t automatically follow that we have nothing to be doing at that time. And yet, that’s exactly how we treat those, sometimes vast, stretches of time where we have not scrawled in some duty or activity or meeting that belongs there. If it isn’t written on or filled in, it’s available and it will be NO TROUBLE at all for us to put something into that slot when someone asks.

Open Spots Look Bigger When They’re Further Away

Here is an example of how I get into trouble with the assumption that open slots are the same as a having a sign advertising that this space is available.  When I was teaching, it always seemed like the dentist or doctor would suggest a time during finals week.  Of course, the suggestion would come weeks or months prior to finals and I would look at my calendar and see...

AN OPEN SPOT

So, of course, I would agree to put that appointment into that open spot.  I think this happens because I have selective amnesia when it comes to some of the busiest and most stressful times of year.  Perhaps there is a small voice in the back of my mind that is yelling in its tiny voice, "NO! Not then!"  But, the open spot on the calendar causes the rest of the crowd to roar in appreciation of the fact that a mutual time has been located.  That poor little voice knows better, but how can it get the attention of the decision making process when that process is too busy acknowledging the applause? 

OPEN SPOT... OPEN SPOT... OPEN SPOT... YAY!

All of the cheering drowns out reason. And reason loses over and over… and over again. Before I know it, I’ve created a scheduling gauntlet that will be very difficult to traverse.

The small voice would have every right to tell me that it tried to warn me. But, it’s usually too tired by that point to say much of anything.

Access of Others to the Calendar

The Open Spot Syndrome was bad enough when I was the sole person in charge of determining how (and whether or not) these spots would be used.  But now more and more of us are putting our calendars online to make scheduling "easier." With a few clicks we can load up multiple calendars and search for open spots.  Once we find a likely candidate, we can fill that open slot with an "invitation" to participate in something during that slot.

The difficult thing about “invitations” is that they are much more difficult to say no to when they are sitting in a spot on your calendar. An “Iowa nice” guy like me is more likely to play passive aggessive games with these invitations. First, I’ll accept the invitation because I assume I don’t really have a choice. Then, I’ll allow that thing to sit in my calendar until the day of the appointment. Then, I’ll either find some excuse to not attend at the last moment or I’ll attend with varying levels of resentment because I wasn’t given a choice regarding my attendance. Instead, whether it is accurate or not, I’ll stick by the story that I was told to be there and there wasn’t any other option.

All of this happens just because there is a subtle shift in the participation structure of scheduling. Instead of a process where a time is mutually agreed upon, someone finds open slots and puts the item in that slot. Suddenly, what should feel like a schedule request becomes a schedule demand. A demand where I haven’t been given any say in where it lands.

You see, I like it better when I am the one who creates difficult weeks (and months) for myself - thank you very much! I do not need someone else’s help to do that. I am very proficient in the scheduling process and I have years of experience making my own life miserable.

Now, let’s be perfectly honest here. This isn’t just about online calendars. There are numerous other scheduling situations where it feels as if you don’t actually have a choice. Medical and dental appointments often feel more like dictates than options. When I suggest that a certain time won’t work, there is usually a pause while the person on the other end of the conversation digests that piece of information. The way they do it often tells me that they don’t get refusals for the first time slot offered very often.

I get it. I really do. Their calendar has to intersect with so many other calendars. But, I think they sometimes forget that there is a power balance issue at work here too. If someone with more power than me suggests a time, it can be very hard to determine if I actually do have a choice. And that’s what happens with the online calendar invitation.

The invitation seems more and more like the inviter has the power to set the time and you just have to go along with it.

The Big Finish

Between my own propensity to allow the internal masses to drown out the little voice that’s trying to tell me that we should not schedule THAT open spot and the invitations that dictate that I forfeit other open spots, it has gotten a whole lot harder to protect the mythical and magical open spot.  And, I was already handicapped when it came to protecting these open spots. So, you can see where the open spot becomes more myth than reality for me.

Of course, my schedule is not nearly as packed as I make it sound. But, my temperament probably needs more open time to accomplish the tasks I have for myself.  Tammy, for example, routinely has far more on her schedule than I do, which is a function of what she does and how she works.  But, in addition to the scheduled items on our calendars, we have extensive "to do" lists or Very Ambitious Plans (VAP) full of things for each day that were supposed to be completed.  The time to complete them is supposed to be in these open spots in our calendars.

Yes, these are the very same spots we so happily fill, or have filled for us, as the crowd roars its approval and the little voice in the back holds its head in its hands.