Tammy and I have an ever growing list of sayings and inside jokes that we love to share with each other. It’s part of how we balance out the cares of the real world. We engage in a bit of play by referencing humorous moments and past events.
For example, the word “jaggery” is a sure-fire bet to elicit at least a chuckle from both of us in recognition of a moment of sheer brilliance (thank you Tammy!). To most of the world, jaggery is a word that requires a trip to the dictionary (or at least a moment to look it up online). To those that know, jaggery is a coarse brown sugar made from palm tree sap.
To the two of us, jaggery is “the lower lip muscle.”
Don’t worry, if it doesn’t make sense now, it might later. And if it doesn’t later, that’s okay too.
Balderdash!
We used to play the game called Balderdash with our friends and family. The premise of the game was that everyone was supposed to create a definition for a real word and write it on a piece of paper. One person was the narrator. They chose the word, wrote down the real definition on a piece of paper, and then they would read each submitted definition out loud to the whole group.
Once all of the definitions, both real and made up, were presented, everyone except the person who selected the word would vote for the definition they thought was the real one. If you got a vote for your fake definition, you would get a point. If no one voted for the real definition, the person who offered the word got a few points (if I remember correctly).
So, the word was “jaggery,” and the definitions were being read out loud. The rule was that the reader had to say the word and then the definition for each one. Some offerings were pretty convincing, others less than convincing, and others were humorous.
Then we all heard “jaggery…. the lower lip muscle.”
And there was silence as we all processed what we had just heard.
Then there was an explosion as everyone got it at the same time.
The joy of a tiara
One of the sayings that has been popping up recently in our conversations is “Ooooh! It’s a tiara!”
This is one of those times a popular culture reference shows up when we play. We’re probably more likely to select quotes from movies like the Princess Bride (“Inconceivable!”), Flushed Away (“Bingo! Scrabble! Enough games!”), Emperor’s New Groove (“Wrong lever!”) or Beauty and the Beast (“You know, Lafou, I’ve been thinking.” “A dangerous pastime.” “I know….”). But, the scene I’ve embedded above from Big Bang Theory is over the top wonderful.
The reaction of Amy Farrah Fowler (the character played by Mayim Bialik) to the tiara is outrageously funny and … completely recognizable.
Can you transport yourself to a time - probably when you were a child - when there was something, if you could have it or experience it, that would make your words tumble over themselves as you expressed unabashed joy? Maybe you are more stoic than most, just I typically would describe myself, and you wouldn’t ACTUALLY act like Amy on the outside. But, on the inside you’re saying…
“ooooooooh! A tiara! Put it on me! Put it on me! Put it on me!”
The lower lip muscle
I think it is safe to say that none of our friends that were playing Balderdash with us that night were big Rolling Stones fans. I know that Tammy and I have never been that much into their music. So, it’s not like she was constantly walking around thinking, “I wonder how I can mention Mick Jagger in my next conversation.” As a matter of fact, I suspect Tammy might not have been able to name much more than one Stones song.
And yet, Mick Jagger and the Stones were ubiquitous enough in our shared pop culture understanding that everyone participating in that particular game, on that particular night, were able to pause…
put two and two together…
and recognize all at once how clever, and how wonderful, Tammy’s definition was.
The laughter erupted and bubbled over. The enthusiasm that followed was such that everyone unanimously decided to vote for that definition. Who cares if it was right? I mean, it was perfect for that moment. For those people. At that time.
And we all agreed that the game needed to end there too. After all, who was going to top that one?
Lower lip muscle, indeed.
Allowing yourself moments of pure joy
I know that Tammy and I often play word games and make reference to things that reflect on prior events because those reflections provide us with echoes of past joys. Sure, we both can appreciate a well-turned phrase or a clever statement on their own merits. But, if there is something else that goes with it, it becomes more powerful. Things like a gathering with good friends, or a date night movie, or that time you enjoyed watching a Disney flick with your god-daughter and she realized at that moment that “adults” can laugh at animated movies too.
I know that we sometimes risk missing new moments of joy if we are too busy basking in reflected historical glory. Yet I find that this word-play actually counters the forces that really do seem to get in the way of our personal quests for joy.
I think some of us worry that we can’t capture that exuberance now that we have become overly familiar with disappointment, drudgery and grief. Or worse, we’ve come to believe that we aren’t allowed to seek joy-filled experiences and live them.
The truth is, we need to let ourselves be like Amy Farrah Fowler in that moment she discovers that she finally has that thing she has always wanted. Here’s hoping that when you reach in that bag and find your tiara - you will once again find that you are beautiful and you know how to feel pure, unadultered joy.
Put it on me! Put it on me! Put it on me!