I made a mistake recently. Well, actually, I make many mistakes on a daily basis. But outlining all of my mistakes would be another error in judgement that wouldn’t allow me to get to the point. So, let me just get right to the confession.
I took a few moments to scroll through some of the short videos that are currently the “thing” in social media right now. This was, believe it or not, something I felt I needed to do for my job with Pesticide Action Network. As a Communications team-member, I need to stay aware of the options we have for reaching out to people with our information and our messaging. And, like it or not, short social media videos are a tool we can’t just discount.
My intent was to look at different platforms and get ideas for length, composition and content. How much detail can a person effectively provide and how do you get people to watch?
I actually got a few answers to those questions, but I was distracted by the type of content that seemed to dominate the feed.
Is this really what’s being pushed out to everyone?
One of the things I like least about social media is its ability to pull you in, like quicksand, and not let you out. Instead, you have to devise your own escape some unspecific number of minutes (or hours) later. Things like Tiktok, Instagram, YouTube and Facebook are designed to keep you watching - usually by engaging the basest parts of our brains and psyches and turning off things like common sense and critical thinking. Before you know it, you might find that you’ve scrolled through an alarming number things.
And somehow, it got dark outside while you did it.
Now, full disclosure, this is not what happened to me. But, I said it to make a point. You can actually lose time without realizing it when you start looking. And, these sites do NOT want you to leave, so they rely on their addictive qualities to keep you there.
While I find this alarming, I was more concerned about the content I was seeing. Since I don’t do too much digging around in social media AND I actually take time to clear out cookies and not give social media too much information, I am kind of a “clean slate” to them. Which means when I browse, much of what I see is what the algorithms would choose for “standard male of around that age who is probably white.”
One of the themes I was treated to was “various ways to publicly mock or shame others.”
Oh. Joy.
Looking your worst for all to see?
Let me ask you to consider a few things before I go on.
How would you feel if someone took a video of you at a moment where you were not at your best? Then how would you feel if they posted the WORST, but most dramatic, portion of that event for anyone to see on social media. In fact, let’s say they make sure to provide editorial comments or captions to encourage viewers to interpret that video in a way where you look ten times more awful than you actually were.
Come on. Be honest with yourself (I don’t need to know). I am fairly certain there are many moments in your life where you did one, some, or all of the following: overreacted, said things you regretted, threatened someone (implied or otherwise), lied or misrepresented the truth, deliberately misunderstood something, you simply mispoke but it came out VERY wrong, were so upset you weren’t able to fully comprehend the situation, made someone else feel unsafe, made an uninformed statement or conclusion, bullied others to get your way, blundered into a bad situation, got surprised and didn’t know how to react so you just babbled… or blubbered… or stood there with a blank look on your face.
Did I miss anything? I suspect I did. But, again, that’s not the point. The point is, we’ve all looked bad more than once in our lives.
Well, some of what I saw was worse than that. Some of the videos showed people discovering that they might have made been wrong or mistaken. In others, it is very possible (and maybe likely) that it was an honest mistake and they were being called out by the videographer or others in the video. It showed people being backed into a corner with the only options being fight or flight. Since flight must not be as entertaining as fight, you can guess what I saw more of.
I saw people almost being forced to “double down” on their mistakes instead of having the opportunity to reflect, maybe recognize the error, and then address the error with grace. And, even if they still managed to do that, we’ve now got videos of in the internet wilds so we can all conclude that they are worthy of our disdain.
So much for opportunities to grow and improve ourselves. We’d rather make and watch a bunch of videos that mock what I might call an “event of potential public learning or enlightenment.” These are moments that are certainly embarrassing, but they can help form us into something better if we’re given some space and some grace.
Videos typically provide neither of these. Instead, you were bad. And you will always be bad because we caught it on camera.
Story Time!
Rather than use one of the examples I saw on social media and possibly draw the wrong sort of attention to it, let me tell you a story about myself. It’s not terribly embarrassing, but it was a definite moment of public discovery that was uncomfortable. If it had been put into video form, edited to be worse than it was, and then shared widely so it could come back to haunt me at unexpected times - I’m not sure how well I would handle it.
I played baseball for my high school and was one of four seniors on the team during my last year. I love the game and I even played adult baseball for several years where I had to travel (with Tammy’s blessing and support) a couple of hours on the road each way for the privilege of doing so. However, I won’t pretend that I was ever entirely comfortable with the culture of athletes and athletics.
I loved being involved in athletic activities. I enjoyed the games and the exertion. I even liked practice (most of the time). But, I wasn’t comfortable with the way high school athletes tended to interact with each other. Often the topics of conversation were inconsequential and uninteresting to me or they were borderline / fully offensive. My humor and their humor rarely intersected and some of the codes of conduct were foreign to me.
My response was, typically, to give no response. I stayed quiet, in part because it was my nature anyway. And it was (and still is) my go-to tool for handling uncomfortable social situations. Sometimes people would go too far and I would speak up. Otherwise, I did my talking by playing ball.
The result was as you might expect. Some of the athletes discounted me because I didn’t participate in some of the hijinks and conversations they seemed to like. Others figured I thought I was above all of it and that maybe I felt I was too good for them. A few might have admired my seeming unflappability. But, the reality that’s closest to the truth is that most of my teammates didn’t think about me much at all unless we were directly interacting. After all, they were like most people. They were thinking about themselves and worrying about what everyone else thought about them.
A tradition for high school and college sports is to have a “Seniors’ Day” to recognize the players on the team who would be graduating and no longer playing after the current season was over. This was typically held on the last home game of the season in the hopes that there would be a home town crowd to make a few positive noises. Maybe a cheer or two. A little bit of hand clapping.
You know, that sort of thing.
Our team didn’t typically do individual introductions of the line-up before games, but Seniors’ Day was going to be different that year. Each of the four of us was going to be introduced individually. Our coach gave some muddled instructions that the bulk of the team would go out to the third base line and and stand, but the seniors would stay in the dugout. Then, when our names were called, we were to go out and join the team.
Of course, my name was called first. So, when I heard my name, I trotted out to the end of the line and stood in my place.
The next player was called. He went to the OTHER end of the line. Then, he gave high fives or shook hands with everyone in the line before taking his spot next to me. Thankfully, he gave me a high five too. As he took his place, I asked him out of the side of my mouth, “Was I supposed to do that?” Then, the other two seniors followed suit, slapping hands with everyone on their way past their teammates.
I was, of course, quietly mortified. As only a true introvert and “non-jock” could be. I had very clearly shown exactly how “not one of them” I truly was.
Before my last home game.
As a member of my high school team.
With no opportunity to fix it or give it another go as far as I could see.
Not on video, so you can’t watch it!
Happily, there weren’t numerous cell phones recording that moment. But, if there were, I can see how this could have been edited and spun. This is especially true after seeing today’s videos.
My moment of public learning. The moment where I realized that “OH! I was supposed to do that?” It may well have been interpreted by some in the crowd, or members of my team, as a statement that I didn’t care about my teammates. Perhaps I thought I was better than they were? Maybe I was mocking them? Maybe I was just too stupid to do a simple thing. Or, is it possible the rest of the team was ostracizing me because of something I did… or something I was.
Heck, it was bad enough that I had publicly erred on a day where I was supposed to be celebrated.
In today’s world of social media, where we apparently appreciate a good public shaming, this little snippet could easily have been edited and given an inaccurate message or caption that viewers would let wash over them to feed their own private rage. Something like “left-handers clearly think they’re better than everyone else.”
Hmmm. That one is actually fairly accurate. So, maybe I better try again.
Try this on for size. It’s edited from an actual spoken and captioned video I saw.
“Computer geek with a superiority complex implodes when asked to act like he’s part of a team.”
Yeah. I’m not very good at writing that sort of thing, so work with me here.
We could use that video to affirm or promote the idea that a student who did well with math and computers has no place in sports. “Go back to your little cave and stare at your screen and work on your pale non-tan, you freak!”
I am sure, after reading the story, that you would agree that this situation wasn’t really a big deal in the grand scheme of things. I actually recovered very quickly and put it into perspective. I even got some support from teammates who indicated that it wasn’t all that clear what we were supposed to do. Yet, I still remember it like it was yesterday because it was an important public mistake that I felt deeply. So it wasn’t nothing. Not if I can still transport myself back to the details of those moments so easily.
But, here’s the positive thing. It provided me with a learning opportunity that stuck.
I learned that I needed to pay more attention to rituals that others in a group seemed to feel were important. It actually means something if you learn when to follow them and when to step away from them. But, you have to be aware of them first.
Moments of public trial and error don’t feel so little when they happen. Most people can think of a time where their face burned in shame when they discovered they had done something wrong in front of … well… the WHOLE WORLD! Or maybe a few dozen individuals. Or even just that one friend that always seemed to be there when you goofed up. But with a little support and understanding, these events can lead to positive learning and, perhaps, a decent story.
But we’re taking that away in our rush to show people behaving badly - at least according to our interpretation. There is no room for redemption. There is no room for forgiveness. There is little room for learning and growth.
There is only mockery. There is only outrage. The only correct response for the person being featured is shame and self-imposed exile.
And for the viewer of these videos - there is only the certainty that you, if you were in that situation, would certainly be better than THAT. Until the day comes that you aren’t. And you find yourself the subject of a video that mocks your frailties and the moment that you learned you were mistaken.
Many of us have a "love/hate" relationship with social media. Do you get any push back from your work with the Pesticide Action Network? I would imagine the big chemical companies selling pesticides, herbicides, etc. might push back from your good work. John Oliver did an excellent program a couple of weeks ago on corn and the results of all the chemicals used in growing corn.
BTW, love the pictures of your "kitty farm managers".